REFLEXIVE ESSAY

Not so long ago, English has been my most hated subject. I was never looking forward to any of those lecturing classes, it was not only because I was shy. Every English class felt like deja-vu, I did not feel like I was learning anything new. I was bored out of my mind and it reflected on my writing. We usually read books but I find myself asking “So what”, I was not getting the point. However, Most of those teachers, very brilliant talk over my head, as they go on about their life. Leaving my life very puzzled. At my beginning of my senior year, I embrace myself looking forward for more disappointment in my last English class at Malden High School. Little did I know that this class would turn out into one of the best class I have ever taken, along with Oral Communication class.

Entering room C-336, I knew there was something interesting, maybe the word that I want to use is strange but whatever it was made me want to be present every day to find out. Introducing ourselves, each student was asking to say something that nobody knew about themselves. I said my love for “Butterfly.” The teacher smiled and so did the students, I was expecting another reaction form them, maybe a simple “why.” This moment brought a feeling of warmness and welcome in me because I felt that my likes and dislikes was not a barrier anymore.

Throughout, this year I have wrote a lot of papers and I have notice improvement in all of them. My first piece Ted berrigan was very difficult because I did not know where to start. I t was my first time I was really trying to analyze a paper. However, I did no know where to start. I had a mixture of theories that resulted to mélange that bring to my longest break down. However, what I have notice I have being doing was trying to write what I thought was expected of me.

After, this incidence, I find myself looking forward to my teacher overacting behavior. He made me want to come to class because every day was something new, and I was able to take what I do and learn as I relate to it. The first novel that I had read was “The Stranger” strange indeed but it was the first book that I was able to notice personifications in different types of object. At first, I started to criticize the author in my writing but I learn to tries to put myself in the author’s shoes as I try to develop my essay.

Throughout the year long, I was able to express myself in a fashionable manner. I was able to learn more about myself which have lead me into being more confident in what I say and what I write. I have detected that indeed butterflies are part of me. For my independent reading, I choose a book that was recommended to me by middle school teacher, Ms Dumont who is now a teacher at Malden high. I let myself unwind through the connection that I felt between the author and I, who at the age of 12, came to the United State just like me, looking for a better life. It is her that clarifies the reason why that I have always being fascinated by butterfly. I am delighted for this experience.

By learning how I can use butterfly to describe anything that I wanted to by link the idea with any object, anything in this world. That’s was when, I felt connected with my surrounding, books, nature, neighbors and so much more. I am able to say this knowing know that I have written a three to four pages paper on a picture which I must say was pretty amazing. The piece was form a Kenyan born artist, wangechi Mutu, I am so glad that I have met her because she makes me feels that is all right to be different and be the person you want to be.

I have written a 15 pages paper, and sincerely would admit that it was a piece of cake for me because of what I have learn form Mister Gallagher. Also, I am definitely ready for research paper in college because what I have learned that time management is the key to a great paper.

Now, I see that English is not half bad. All I needed was someone to show me their love for the language. Most of my previous teacher, very bright, I feel like they taught English because they had to not because they love it. I had never found a reason to care for English until now. I am glad that I did

MRS DALLOWAY(1)

As I read this novel, I could see the differences among the other novel that I have read. This novel indeed has the touch of a woman, as Virginia wolf in a beautiful way makes every moments in life feels important. The story starts on a Wednesday, mid-June 1923 in the street of London, on her way to buy flowers to throw a party that afternoon. As we go through the novel, it is interesting how we are able to understand the life of each character by having the key to their thoughts. Why do you think Virginia does that? Her sense of writing is very unique.

We are then introducing to Mrs. Dalloway, a very complicated woman whom wants to make a reform in society by wanting to be like Lady Bexborough “with a skin of crumpled leather and beautiful eyes… Slow and stately, interested in politics like men and very sincere...” She wanted to be a more visible character, someone more than just Mrs. Dalloway but how could she when look for the approval of her community. What is Mrs Dalloway’s intention? Why do you think Virginia choose such a character?

This story encompasses themes such as war and age (leading to death). We have Septimus, a veteran of World War I, who suffered from mental illness brought on by horrors that he experiences in the war especially by the death of his dear friend Evans. We also have Mrs. Dalloway and so many characters that are afraid to age. This is the reason why Mrs. Dalloway had a crush on Hugh Whitbread because he made her feels young. What was Mrs Dalloway’s age?

As we continue we notice that Clarissa chooses to marry for safety and conservative life with Mr. Dalloway a life that is completely different from what she was used to. As a teenager, her friend Sally was a rebel whom she had kissed and those were some great time as she remembered. She remembered also some of the time spends with peter that is very different from Richard. During, those days, were happy days.
Why would Virginia make such choices? What are Virginia goals?

MRS DALLLOWAY (“Fear no more the heat o’ the sun / Nor the furious winter’s rage” (9)

The book first start with Clarissa wondering in the street of London and catching up with time as she think of her affair with Peter, than all of a sudden she read up this quote Hatchards‘ shop window form an open book.

This seems like a climax, its shows that one day, during our daily activities or in Mrs. Dalloway case when she was wondering around in the street of London the good times or struggles has to come to an end because sooner or later death is going to catch up with us. This came from Shakespeare’s plays that is recognizing for his tragic stories. Those lines, I found out were dedicate for funeral. The goal was to make every individual understands that for life’s struggles, death would be the perfect consolation. However, that is not what Mrs. Dalloway wants to hear since aging is not a factor of her life. Those 13 (thirteen) words emphasizes that no one should fight the arrival of death. We must not have any fear, fear of struggles, of the heat or the sun, nor any hardships that we encounter throughout our journey in life. As individuals, we all fight to live however we fear the intensity of life. We are all horrify by this thing called death but Virginia Wolf want us to realize that “living” walks hand to hand with its brother “death.” We are all acquainted with these facts however that does not stop us from fighting with zeal for the power of living.

In addition, Virginia uses this Shakespeare quote to tell us to stop wasting our time fighting something that is invincible. We have to agree upon the fact that just like living exists, so does dying. We have to learn to live our last time with no fear even when the “furious winter’s rage “hit us. Death is our friend since it is the only comfort from all of the struggles we face in this separable life of our. Death will be the friend of Clarissa as it will help her to stop troubled herself about the fact that she is aging, and the fact that she has to put on a new person for a society that she despite. Death will also be Septimus’ friend for it helps him to stop having any horrors thought about the war.

MRS DALLOWAY ( CAR)

The car introduce by Virginia was created to connect Septimus connect him to Mrs.Dalloway. She introduces that parallel world that exists between those two personages. Thought the car introduce us to Septimus everything revolve around Mrs. Dalloway as she prepare for a new day. Virginia is able to create those characters with the memories they share with Mrs. Dalloway.

As Mrs. Dalloway walks in the street of London, We see that it is through her memories that we can navigate in the thought of the other characters. One thing that she does is interweaving past and present. The future is built on the past. Mrs. Dalloway, as she walks in the street in London, she remember the time that she used to share with Peter. “But Peter--however beautiful the day might be, and the trees and the grass, and the little girl in pink--Peter never saw a thing of all that. From that sentence, we can already tell the personality of those individuals. Peter is describing as someone who always wants to have the last words, the type of individual that is comfortable in their own skin. Individuals that like to argued a lot. Mrs. Dalloway is someone that notices her surrounding, every details are important to her and from her one day story, she is able to lets us in her world in a very creative manner. She can also be very romantic, as she mentions that Peter is not even able to see the “little girl in pink”. By referring to that specific color, it is one way for Virginia to pass across the idea of feminism. Her writing is based in the idea of feminism, the idea of strong, independent women.

One of the women that she looks up to is Sally, a dark, large-eyed, with that quality which, she always envied. She admired her strong impact that she made in people and Clarissa enjoys her company because she excite her. Sally does crazy things but Clarissa thinks “Quiet descended on her, calm, content, as her needle, drawing the silk smoothly to its gentle pause, collected the green folds together and attached them, very lightly, to the belt.” Clarissa respects her because it is Sally alone that is able to make her feel like a woman.

As I read the incident between Clarissa and Sally, I could not stop but think that Virginia is out to show that men do not have to revolve around women to make them fell important. Sally was able to accomplish a job that Richard neglected to do (or maybe did not know how).

In real life, Sally Seton is representing a woman that Virginia admired. She was her childhood friend know as Madge Vaughan.

MRS DALLOWAY (Feminism 1)

Emily picks up the similarity that can be found in both Mrs. Dalloway and the A Portrait of the Artist As a young man. Having cover feminism in the novel of James Joyce, I was able to see how both writers see feminism.

James Joyce novel was writing during the conflict of the catholic and Irish church. This book is a model of bildungsroman, we where able to see the change of Stephen form a boy to a man. One of the many things that made Stephen the young man that he became was the presence of women in his life. Stephen is encompassed by many women. First, as a child his mother and Dantes, a smart and intellectual women but as Stephen stated, she wasn’t as smart as his priest. Dante is very different than his mother because she sat in the table with the big boys and talk politics. Joyce gave her a voice. However, those weren’t the only women that Joyce gave a voice. We meet the prostitute, someone who was able to replace both Stephen mother, because of the way she clamed her. She was confident just like Dante and also she wears pink which could be seen as the color of youth, in the sense of Eileen , a young girl that he lust after. Joyce also gave Simon moonan a voice. In addition throughout both novels the color white was mention which in literature can signify purity, virtue and innocence. We see women in Stephen life that was either categorize as pure women or as a whore.

Reading Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia wolf in which the protagonist is a female already shows one similarity. Virginia created Mrs. Dalloway where she is the key that allowed us to enter other individuals’ head. We see every type of women, Clarissa who want s to be notice by everybody which is the reason she plans party to be in the presence of known individuals. We see jealousy in her too; she hates the idea that Elizabeth teacher spent the time with her daughter. In addition we see another side of her; we see how much she can love someone. She feels great in the presence of Sally. In one day, we were able to see what kind of women she was; from her past relationships and the people she frequented.

We also see the idea of lower class. We see Stephen and his dad barely survive financial crisis. Clarissa who decided to marry Richard because of the life he offered her.

Those two books have as many differences as similarly, those are the one that I briefly describe, and we can find so much more

MRS. DALLOWAY (Characters)

As I read the book, I notice the wave of emotion from an exciting life to an isolated, thoughtful and lonely life. Both Jessica and Emily have brought up the idea that Woolf uses double character throughout her novel in such a beautiful way. As I think of in Nature, nothing exists without his contrary. Living is knowing that death is around the corner.

One thing that came that hits me when as I glance over Emily’s blog post was the tie that existed between Peter and Lucrezia. The fact that both desired someone that did not show any sign of emotion towards them. Just like Peter is unable to understand Clarissa, Lucrezia cannot seem to find the old Septimus that she was once married with. Those two Characters lack companionship.

In the Park, through the mind of Peter we met Lucrezia once again. As Septimus was talking to himself as usual or maybe to Evans as he believes, Lucrezia left him for a moment as she think about her life in Milan that she no longer will have. Suddenly, she started crying. Rezia thought that Septimus was becoming “stranger and stranger.” During our first entries, we meet Peter in Clarissa’s attic room who started catching up about their past love. Peter resent Clarissa a great deal for she rejected his proposal. Peter could not understand Clarissa, Peter suddenly started to weep. Most importantly no one can tell who Clarissa true side because she seems to lack warmth. Throughout the book she was often describes as being cold. “She had grown hard” he thought.

I feel like one of the reasons Peter resent Clarissa even more was because after he told her everything, it was at the last moment, when Elizabeth showed up that she stated “Here’s my Elizabeth.”

It also a coincidence how both Peter and Rezia was present when the woman sang the love song. This woman serves as transition between Peter to Rezia. I feel like that Peter appreciates the courage of the old woman as he thinks her with a coin. However, in Rezia case she pitied her as she think of her relations with Septimus

MRS. DALLOWAY (Solitary Traveler)

I think It is very interesting after the dream of the Solitary traveler that Peter reminds himself of the ending point of his relationship with Clarissa. I feel like the Solitary man could represent Peter since a solitary individuals stated by the Wikipedia is someone who is not usually in the companionship of others of his type.

However, I feel like seek companionship but at the end those individuals always ended up by hurting him. In This Novel, Two women where mention to be in Peter’s life but both of them ended up by leaving him for someone with high position in society. I look at “solitary man” coincidence maybe not, since Virginia Woolf is a well- educated woman. Solitary Man is a title of music which describes the story of a man who life turned upside down between girls as he seeks for love.

This song is by Neil Diamond

Melinda was mine
till the time
I have found
Holding Jim
Loving him

Then Sue came along
Loved me strong
That’s what I thought
Me and Sue
But that died too

Don’t know that I will
But until I can find me
A girl wholl stay
And wont plat games behind me
I’ll be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man

Ive had it to here
Bein where
Loves a small world
Part-time thing
Paper ring

I know its been done
Having one
Girl wholl love me
Right or wrong
Weak or strong

Don’t know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl wholl stay
And went play games behind me
Ill be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man

This solitary traveler is a metaphor for what is clearly going on with Peter’s life. After, Peter left Clarissa’s house he cannot seems to stop thinking about her. Clarissa take over his train of thought, even external stimuli (object, material) reminded him of Mrs. Dalloway. For example the bells of Saint Margaret’s, the young women who he followed, and how he chooses as Peter look for seats in the park, he decided to settle besides a women and a baby that reminded him of Elizabeth.

After, the dream he remember of a day that he had dinner with Clarissa and they were talking of a women who got pregnant outside of marriage. That thought disgusted Clarissa. This very ironically because this reaction is the behavior of religious individuals for she is attracted to Sally, a women something that is against the religious beliefs.

Later after that conversation, Peter came to see Sally talking with Richard, he notice her maternal manner with Richard. This was the turning point of their relations for Peter knew already Clarissa will become Mrs. Dalloway.

It is just interesting how Virginia chooses to break up their youth love next the fountain in the park. The stream of water running down could be seeing as the flow of life taking its course, making its way to a new beginning. The separation between Peter and Clarissa is where each will take a separate route.

Mrs. DALLOWAY (Feminism II)

I wanted to touch in the idea of Feminism which is something that amazes me. The Solitary dream focus on women and their whole of intervene in your life and come up with a solution. This dream happened after Peter chooses to sit down besides a gray-haired woman. Grey color can be serve as a balance between all-black and all-white point of view, the idea of good and bad, pessimism and optimist. After being around women, Peter goes to sleeps and think of women. He sees a facial of women blending to the sky and tree which can be turned into different types of women.

First, he imagines the women as a siren; the women’s beauty scares Peter for she reminded his downfall. Siren, in the Greek mythology was deadly-dangerous bird-women with beautiful voices. After singing to you with their beautiful voice which will lure anyone to sleep, they tear you to pieces. Then he sees a mother figure woman which seems to be waiting for him with open arm. The idea of someone keeping him safe, nurturing him and taking care of him make him feels safe. Then a landlady makes her apparition and they ask him if they can get him anything else. Peter realizes that he does not know to whom to answer. He woke up and says “the death of the soul.”

From those three ladies, I notice how connected they really are to nature. Sirens which have a tendency to commit their crime to mariners demonstrate that they must have a connection with water where all life started. Just like women choose to gives life, they can take it away. Then, we meet the landlady who must have a connection the earth which feeds us and allows us to stay alive for the oxygen it provides. Then the mother like figure which can be represented as the Virgin Mary, the idea of an approachable person.

Later in the story, we meet an old lady opposite the Regent’s Park Tube station show feminine for she sings songs of eternal love. Peter pitied her and gave her a coin but the lady words comforted Rezia for it gave strength to believe there is hope for Septimus. We see another side of Rezia, calm all this because of the old, wise lady.

I think it is important how it is women that Virginia shows that is able to comfort anyone for they are they are the one who gives life.

Mrs. DALLOWAY (Lady Bruton vs. Clarissa Dalloway)

Lady Bruton is very difference from Clarissa for she “had a reputation of being more interested in politics than PEOPLE”. (105) not only that, she was raise in great health, in other words, she had great acquaintance. She was the “general great-great-great-grand daughter.” Respect is something that she was born with even Richard pointed that out.

Richard stated “ she ( Lady Bruton) should have being the general of dragoons herself.” (105) Dragoon were typically named for soldier trained to fight but transport himself on horseback. Lady Bruton hated the idea of women that gets in their husbands way from fulfilling their duties in the government and public affair. She feels like Clarissa do so perfectly as she purposely throws parties to reject men from their “post abroad” Lady Bruton get together between Hugh and Richard was strictly business. She wanted Richards’s support of her involvement in the affair about emigration of young ladies to Canada. Hugh was present for he was able to pass the words out. He was working for the Times. In Bruton, I see brute in the sense that Lady Bruton represent a bully, she bullies and dominates her society. I don’t think Lady Bruton thinks much of women for she “often suspended judgment upon men in deference to the mysterious accord in which they, but no woman, stood to the laws of the universe.”

Lady Bruton has no sense of compassion, contrary to Clarissa who put together parties to bring individuals together. She thinks of her parties as a gift to the world, to the people that she encompasses by. Often she notices that people around her were lonely and she was one of them. She sees her party as a way to fight that loneliness for she is surrounded with very important people. People now were having conversation Clarissa thought. Earlier we have seeing how apart her husband and she have grown. Richard could not bring himself to say “I love you.” this emptiness exists between husband and wife.

Clarissa wants to create life for her and others, Virginia clearly shows that Richard did not care about his meetings since he did not remember if it was about “Armenians or the Albanians” But still he excuses himself as he head to a meeting that he did not care about.

At first, I thought of Clarissa as those rich, weak and stupid people but I have notice how much she has grew as she pays attention the life that she lives in. Though both Peter and Richard did not support her parties. “She was the perfect hostess” said Peter. Clarissa did not care for she believes closeness is the key to a successful life not love or religion or even power if I may add.

MRS. DALLOWAY (99-100)

“To his Patients he gave three-quarters of an hour; and if in this existing science which has to do with what, after all, we know nothing about-the nervous system, the human brain-a doctor loses his sense of proportion, as a doctor he fails. Health we must have, and health is proportion…”(99)

eve, he is to do so because for him to put Septimus out of his madness or anyone is to put them
This part of the book where Rezia went to see Sir Williams confuses me at first since I just like Rezia automatically presumed that Sir Williams was here to put and end to Septimus madness. But Sir Williams beliin a long “rest, rest for solitude, silence and rest, rest without friends, without books without messages…”

It is amazing how math is a metaphor of living and dying. Virginia uses the idea of Proportion to balance live and death. In life, just as living in one possibility, dying is one also. A proportion of 1:1. A fifty to fifty thing in life. Virginia wants to see the one thing that determine our possibilities to live or die is our health. This foreshadows the idea of Septimus dying. Septimus health was not in good condition, therefore there was no chance of him surviving. Sir Williams represent the angel of death for he says He wants to bring Septimus to one of his “home.” He had come to collect.

And with the idea of Proportion, conversion comes to life. “ Proportion has a sister…Conversion is her name and she feasts on the wills of the weakly, loving to impress, to impose, adoring her own features stamped in the face of the populace.”(100) often people that were converts for anything are weak, people that willingly gives to something without a fight. We don’t have a say to our body, we don’t have the strength for conversion “impose”. Even though death knocks on people door every day, it’s always a surprise for “the populace”, the general population. It is interesting how Septimus was able to control his emotion for a second as he sees that Holmes and Sir Williams were the same people.