Thursday, March 27, 2008

Crying does not come easily

Maman always says that I don’t have a heart; I need to learn how to control my emotion. But I don’t know how. I have come to realize that I live in a world where nothing comes as a surprise to me anymore. After, ton ton Macoute came to power, everyone is waiting for a change. They are hopeless citizen. I won’t say that a reform wouldn’t be nice especially in the situation we are in today, but hoping to a point where that’s all you do is just nonsense.

This morning, Maman asks me “would I cry if she dies?”

I answered: pouki which means why?

She got mad at me. Of course I would cry, I just thought that is a question she shouldn’t have asked me. I know I don’t cry easily. I know I am the kind of person who suck thing in and get on with their lives. But she is Maman and I love Maman.

La Plaine remains the same. Every night, Bullets are heard like fireworks night and day. I am tired of this whole mess. However now, it does not bother me as much as it did when it first started.

My classmates always ask me “how can I always complete my home works in time despite where you live.” Calmly, I respond: “when you are assemble together and gossiping on how much homework, we have in English, history class or counting the number of bullets shot each night. I am in the basement of my house with an oil lamp and starts doing my homework.

Those are old news; I don’t have time to spend in something that will bring me nowhere.

Today as I was coming home from school, in my sister’s car, I saw a man got hit by a car and died at the same moment.

My sister started to freak out, I had to shake her out of that phase to remind her that we were going somewhere. When we got home, she told my mom about the accident.

Seeing how calm as I was, she asked me “jenny where we you during the accident”

“With Sabrina, Maman, I was sitting in the passenger seat” I said calmly

She looked at me And Said “Why aren’t you in Shocked”

“Why should I be when what happened already happened not even my shocked can change that.” She looked at me and walked away.

People should not let emotion runs their lives. I witness an accident a Jacmel. Blood were everywhere. Bystanders are just walking by and start asking what happens. They talk between in each other so much that they had forget that someone was in need in front of them. I walk toward them and ask the lady in red “can I call any of your family that will be able to bring your friends to a nearest hospital” There is no such thing as an ambulance in Haiti.

If it wasn’t for me and of course my pocket phone that poor guy would have lost all of his blood. Being too emotional, people cannot think straight. That’s not what we need if we want to survive in a country whose power is getting abuse by the government.

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